I just started watching the reality show Very Cavallari starring none other than Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach and The Hills fame.
If you don't recall, she was portrayed as the super villain of the group back in the early 2000's.
On her new show, she's opening up a home goods and jewelry store in Nashville. She's married to retired quarterback, Jay Cutler. And she's raising three kids - trying to balance it all.
She's also speaking her mind.
She calls out new employees for slacking.
She tells her husband when he's bugging her when he wanders the house post-football retirement. LOL
She says what she means and she means what she says.
Her new show is my latest favorite guilty pleasure.
Perhaps I'm drawn to the endless salacious drama between the employees? Or whether Kristin's best friend will eventually end up marrying her Canadian suitor?
Or maybe, I'm drawn to a quality of Kristin's that I try to develop more in myself all the time.
HONEST AND DIRECT.
I subscribe to the belief that whatever we admire in someone else is usually something we want MORE of in our own lives, whether it's self-confidence, street smarts, business savvy, awesome career, etc.
You might find yourself doing this if you're drawn to reading everything under the sun about a certain celebrity. For example, you're obsessed with J.Lo's business empire and dance moves. Or you're immediately drawn to a new co-worker because of the calm energy and confidence she exudes.
And for the time being, I can't get enough of Kristin.
She's assertive and she doesn't seem like she's overly preoccupied with whether or not her employees really like her.
And here's the thing - she's not being mean or cruel or unfair.
She's direct. She doesn't hold things back. There's no ambiguity in what she wants.
And she has her eye on the prize - making her store in Nashville as successful as it can possibly be.
I'm immediately drawn to people oozing authenticity and realness- even if they're super blunt - like a moth to a flame.
I know where I stand with them. If I make them mad, they'll tell me. If they want to change dinner plans, they'll let me know. No second guessing or passive aggressive stuff.
I find this quality super admirable.
Why? Because some days I can still struggle with being clear and direct in my communication. Saying what I mean without second guessing myself, censoring myself or peppering all my comments with, "It's really not a big deal" and "I'm so sorry, but..."
And by the way, being direct doesn't mean being rude.
And it doesn't mean being edgy or harsh. It means speaking your mind from a grounded place - a place the other person can hear and receive, even if they don't necessarily agree.
It's actually the most LOVING (yes, loving) thing you can do - showing up and being real and clear in your relationships - and encouraging others to do the same.
Getting the words out in an honest and direct manner.
Kristin's got this down.
There's always that risk you might feel before you get something off your chest or take the leap and have an uncomfortable conversation. "Am I going to sound mean? Are they going to be mad?"
But, cultivating realness and directness in your communication and relationships is always worth the initial fear.
Your relationships will get more real because you're showing up fully as your uncensored self. And you're encouraging others to do the same.
Remember - not rudeness...directness a la Kristin Cavallari ;)
What's ONE thing you can do today that will involve honest and bold communication? Sending that email that makes you uncomfortable? Telling your significant other what you think? Asking a question in a meeting you've been afraid to ask?
Email me at email@example.com or comment below and let me know ONE area where you can be more honest and bold in your communication. You've got this!
From my heart to yours,
Devon McLeod, LCSW