Four years ago I facilitated a workshop at exhale spa in New York City.
It was my first time leading a workshop in front of people.
I was terrified.
I didn't know if anyone would show up.
I was seriously nervous and obsessed about how it was going to go.
I didn't feel ready to do it at all.
Isn't there a certificate I should've gotten for leading groups?
What if it goes horribly wrong and people demand their money back?
What if I freeze and don't know what to say?
I had nightmares. I wanted to back out.
I didn't feel ready.
That's such an interesting word.
Because half the time for me, I don't feel "ready" before I do something really important.
Going to grad school; teaching 2nd grade; quitting my full-time job and starting my private practice.
I don't even think I felt "ready" when I moved across the country from California to NYC. I knew I wanted to do it, but I was super nervous and had moments of "Am I sure this is the right idea?"
I've never had an opportunity for a big transition and then felt completely, "Yep, I'm totally prepared for this. I feel like it's going to go according to plan. Put me in coach."
It's usually, "Ahhhh. This feels like the right move in my gut, but I'm still totally scared."
Yep, that's more what it sounds like for me.
So, looking back on my very first workshop. I totally wasn't 'ready.' I think my phone alarm went off during the first 20 minutes (cringe! rookie mistake!) and I believe I may have stumbled over some of my words during the beginning.
But, I had an absolute blast.
We started out exercising - doing planks and pushups. And then we'd stop and check in about the thoughts that were arising in our minds when we moved i.e. "I can't do this, this is hard, I want out of this plank." You know, the common stuff.
We talked about body image and struggles and people connected when we worked in pairs and talked about stuff as a group.
The highlight for me was watching people connect with each other. I love witnessing that.
I think I also sweated through my sweater because I was so nervous. But I loved every minute - even the nerve wracking ones.
I walked out feeling a rush of adrenaline. And relief. And feeling proud. And relief.
Could I have done some things differently? Sure, I think I could name a new.
Was I 100% absolutely "ready" to lead the workshop? Nope!
But, was I prepared? Yes.
Did I have moments of doubting myself? You bet.
But did I jump in anyway? Yep!
And I'm so happy I did.
Is there anything you're thinking of doing that you don't feel 100% ready for, but you want to do it?
Leave a comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know!
From my heart to yours,
Devon McLeod, LCSW